It’s been a while since I published a post. I half-wrote some, but in the midst of several other things I didn’t have it in me to press publish. Most of the summer I felt like a succulent — clinging to the water stored up, waiting for a good rain in the midst of what felt like a drought.
Drexel was gone most of June, some in July and even most recently this last week. The blog needs updating and sometimes I think “Why write? Who even reads it?” The moments keep adding up while the everyday deep thoughts most of us face feel overlooked and disguised on social media. I’m not great at faking the funk so I will either write truth from my heart or not write at all.
We almost moved in July. Nearly packed up our home, sold it all and said “Adios” to the little bit of normalcy we have established here. Drexel is always curious and antsy, I was anxious and together we felt like why not, we have nothing to lose. When we zoomed in a little closer we were able to sift through some deeper things in both of our lives.
We have always been used to change and our family tempo is pretty fast pace. When God tells us to be still and to be slow, we both struggle. We are doers, movers, shakers, ready to take on the world – or so we like to think. We spent most of July praying, wrestling and asking the Lord to show us the things we easily miss. Most days we both assume we are doing our daily duties well and only when we really press into the Lord do we see how much better it could even be.
In the midst of realigning our minds, I was able to honestly own up to some physical and emotional hurdles I’ve been facing. I took off the veil of “Keep on going for today” and saw that my body wasn’t handling life well. I turned 30 this past week and it feels like people aren’t joking when they say that it takes a little more to bounce back postpartum versus my early 20s. Thankfully the Lord was so faithful to give me clear wisdom and discipline before I hit a wall.
I struggle with “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I aim to do the next thing well and only can by Christ’s strength, but like all Moms of multiple littles, I forget to eat and go many weeks without good sleep. Can Christ strengthen us when we are running on empty — yes of course. However, we can’t do every thing. When hormones are high and sleep is low, we have to be careful to discern what those “things” are that Christ has for us.
We need wisdom, we need time in the Word, we need provision from God, and we need to open ourselves to the measures of grace God has already established in our lives. My husband, the church, good friends, wise women and more. We need these things more than we like to admit.
I am thankful I can come under the umbrella of my husband and lay my heart on the table. Intimacy in marriage does not always mean conversational pleasantries. I would even suggest that the (respectful) struggle and tension over the confusing, frustrating, and heart issues are necessary for intimacy. It is also very hard work. Thankfully we serve a God who does not give us more than we can handle. He has given me the ability to communicate past my cloudy mess of hormones and articulate my heart in a way that helps our family’s oneness.
It may not always feel like it, but we are taking on the world — one tiny soul at a time. Pressing into the Lord and into our marriage shows us the great and mighty work we are daily doing as a family. We have tremendous responsibility and privilege to shepherd six souls. By God’s grace He has brought us into an eternal calling quite larger than we ever would have dreamed of.
We are reflecting on the summer and so thankful for refreshment. We have been given precious time to sit, pray, and wonder. Lots of family trips to the pool and sweet provisions from the Lord to meet our every need. Hopefully we can catch up on writing all the wondrous things we have learned this summer and sharing more here on the blog! Thanks for always stopping by.
With All My Love,