Last week, I started a Mommy Monday series posing 3 questions we can all explore to get a little clarity in motherhood.
Sometimes, motherhood — especially young motherhood when you have several under 3 — can feel like a blur. It becomes a constant day in, day out…straight up grind. Diaper here, snack there, tantrum here, pee there…with some super cute and amazing memories thrown all in between. One minute you’re posting a picture perfect moment on Instagram, the next you’re literally scraping poop out of underwear. Yes, that was me last week and just now before nap. High, low, high, low — we ride the rollercoaster of motherhood and feel pressured to either throw our hands up in the air like “I don’t care” or squeeze on so tight and end up with anxiety and feeling like a nervous wreck.
In my first post of the series, I mentioned chatting with other Moms and many times hearing them in an overwhelmed state. It doesn’t show on the surface, but it’s there — under a few layers of smiles and getting to know you better. It’s this “everyone wants me everywhere” type pull that eventually makes its way to the top of the conversation. I started with the idea of brokenness and asked…
“Why bother admitting that you are/have been/or will be overwhelmed?”
Did you come up with an answer for yourself? When we admit we are broken, who does that help? Why do it?
I wanted to share my answer, but feel free to comment with yours or message me if you have further thoughts!
- Admitting you are broken forces you to be transparent. It doesn’t mean you have to air all your dirty laundry on the world wide web, but it does mean that when you get together with another friend/mom/mentor you can say more than just “I’m doing good.” When people don’t have a community during motherhood, well — they take to the internet to find it. Hey, I love the internet (obviously as I blog/IG/tweet etc) and probably overshare…but the internet is NOT my community. I repeat — the internet is NOT MY COMMUNITY. And you can’t build a sincere community if you’re not willing to be transparent. When I meet with Moms, I ask tough questions, but I also share my tough answers. I like to think that is what makes me a helpful friend. As a Christian, being transparent allows me to walk alongside other sisters in Christ. My sins are not your sins. We both have sin, so let’s root it out together, confess, repent and move towards a deeper maturity.
- Admitting you are broken allows you to ask for help. There is no 1 man ship in motherhood. Building on the idea of community, you have to be willing to ask for and receive help. Don’t fake the front, we are not perfect. Help might be prayer, it might be food, it might be childcare, it might be advice, but you have to accept help. If you can’t admit you are having a hard time (with disciplining them, loving them, go on down the list) — how will your community know? How will you make progress? And reminder, your MOM can’t be your only community. Moms are GREAT, don’t get me wrong, but I challenge you to step beyond that into more/other Christ-centered relationships. Asking and receiving help takes humility. As Christian women, we are always told to serve (and we need to). There are countless opportunities to selflessly serve, but are you willing to be served? Are you willing to let down your “do it all” veil and let another woman come alongside and care/pray/comfort you? Remember that friend I mentioned, do you have someone that is a phone call/text away? Go find someone that will respond with Scripture, get your eyes up and remind you how blessed you are with all them babies.
- Admitting you are broken points you to your savior. We all need a savior. So whether or not we want to admit it, we will attempt to find a savior. The savior might be our kids who we place unhealthy expectations of performance upon. If they are doing well, we don’t feel like a failure. It might be our husband, who we demand attention, affection and affirmation from. If he treats me well, then there is hope. It might be our job, where we place our assurance in comfort, materialism and status. I could keep going on…all of these things can be your savior. When motherhood is making you overwhelmed, we start looking around for a savior. What will help me keep my head above water? As a Christian, I believe none of those last. They save, but only temporarily and they can fail you at any time. My Savior, Jesus Christ, doesn’t fail. He is THE SAVIOR. He calls you out of a life a darkness to follow Him, to live for Him, and to live eternally. I challenge Moms to admit they are broken in an effort to see who their real savior is. I challenge professing Christians as well — Is it any of the things I listed, or is it Jesus Christ? You might say it’s Jesus, but when you’re defeated, do you run to Him? Do you run to the Word that equips you with strength, direction and assurance — or do you run to the world — that gives you another temporary solution.
I am clearly aiming to hit at some root issues of our hearts. As Moms, we are busy and being busy leads us to overlook ourselves. Or maybe you take care of your exterior, but inside has gotten a little out of sorts. “Just keep going until nap time…” we say. “Make it through dinneeeerrrr…”…”hubby give them a bath,” — a few moments to breathe, “zzzzzzz”….and then tomorrow, another day.
Is there more to it? I believe there is.
Follow along as we seek to gain perspective and find answers in this journey we call motherhood.
With All My Love,