For some ridiculously odd reason, I thought we were going to get into our new house and be back into a healthy routine overnight. If you don’t know much about me, I LOVE routine. A big part of it is out of necessity. With 5 kids 6 and under, we do much better with a little routine. The kids know when it’s time to work, when it’s time to play, they come and go a little easier and we all get a little bit more done. We haven’t had a routine for nearly 6 months and I am definitely craving it. But, the other part is likely sinful. I’ll come back to that.
Well — I was DEAD wrong about getting into our new house and having any type of routine. Routine, ha, I don’t even know what that word means these days. And that is likely why I have felt so disheveled these past few weeks.
Let me cut to the chase. I have been idolizing some “routine” and sense of normalcy that is dead and gone. Maybe I am thinking about when I had 3 kids, or even 4. When I had a house where everything was ready for “school” and we could start each day ready to go. But that is not the life I have right now and as I come back to life and find our routine, I’m learning that it is a completely new one.
What is life with 5 kids in a new house/city/place supposed to look like? How are my days supposed to flow? Where are my expectations? Who am I performing for? What is my standard of success for the kids and for myself? These are questions I think about. However, I don’t have answers for them because if I likely did, they would be all wrong anyway. I have been resisting to the temptation to make every list and tell you I have anything figured out, because I don’t. Right now, it’s just Jesus…and He is enough for today.
As we were attempting to start school this morning, I couldn’t find a pencil for the life of me. I was starting to get frustrated with myself about the lack of order, then thought “Why does it have to be a pencil, just use a pen for today and find one later?” So we did. Further in the day, we were doing reading. One kid bit the other, my daughter is chewing something she isn’t supposed to have, and my poor student is patiently waiting for instruction. I stopped, “Do I have to finish this right now?” I paused, fixed the problem for the other kids, and finished working with my oldest.
These situations are exhausting, let me tell you. My temptation is to freak out, be upset that there is no order, and just throw in the towel for the day. “Everyone outside right now! GO GO GO!” Ha! But I’m learning that while we find a new normal, it doesn’t have to end at that. There is grace upon grace for myself and for each of my kids that God has given me to care for. There is enough love to go around, enough time to do the things we need and enough space for all of us to sit together…even though everyone fights over sitting next to me on the couch. Jesus makes a way when there seems to be none.
So right now, our new normal is a little bit of everything, and a whole lot of Jesus! A little school, a little work, a lot of prayer and a lot of dirt. Oh how I would love my Pinterest school room and our bright and modern farmhouse to have all of its final touches. But every time I am tempted to lose my patience over some misplaced thing that doesn’t have a home yet or some counter is covered that I literally just uncovered, I remind myself about 50 to 100 years from now. Do I want my kids or husband to remember this? Do I want them to remember that I cared more about that “thing” than I did them? Never. And so I repent of my selfish desires, pray for clarity, pray for direction, and most of all, I take it to Jesus knowing He will carry it all for me.
Here’s to Mondays!
With All My Love,